infinitely many stages of joy

how higher math changed my life in the best ways possible

(title inspired by Infinitely Many Stages of Grief)

stage 1

I first started higher math when I attended Canada/USA Mathcamp in 2023. This was a life-changing experience for many reasons, but perhaps the most important one was the community. Mathcamp was the first math community I was part of where people weren’t defined by their contest scores. There were people I spent my 3ams playing poker with who I didn’t know were MOPpers until long after it ended.

Many people befriended each other based on personality and interests. I defined myself at school based on my love for math, but at Mathcamp, everyone loved math, so I was forced to discover who I was as a person.

In my previous math competition communities, there was a social hierarchy based on scores. When people first meet, they ask each other for their AMC/AIME/olympiad scores, and treat each other differently because of them. In large servers, people frequently talk about their disappointment in their scores, despite having scores that many others in the server would love to have. It seemed as if there were friend groups that one could only enter if they scored high enough. Back then, I desperately wanted to make MOP because I thought I would finally be good enough to make close friends.

At Mathcamp, the only scores my friends and I compared were chess ratings, when we pretended to be 700.

stage 2

PRIMES-USA, a high school math research program, has been the best experience of my life. I learned the importance of skills that had escaped my notice, such as mathematical writing and presentation. Previously, when I read solutions I couldn’t understand, I assumed I wasn’t smart enough to. Through the program, I learned that it is the author’s responsibility to make their work as clear and understandable as possible.

Even without the research aspect, learning both mathematics and how to learn makes it an unforgettable experience. When looking at textbooks through the lens of research, I knew I had to understand the content deeply, so I started asking more questions and going down rabbit holes. I also learned to look for multiple resources when I was stuck.

PRIMES taught me to view math as a forest where I could choose a direction to venture instead of a staircase where I’m always trying to climb the next step. I could finally stop and breathe the fresh air in.

stage 3

I went to a number theory and topology camp in Romania called APEX. My most memorable experience at APEX was perhaps giving a blackboard lecture on my PRIMES project to peers and mentors. Showing a group of interested people what I’ve dedicated so much time on was amazing. In the audience, there were also professors who I greatly admired. Knowing that a high school student like myself could teach them something new, something in mathematics no one else previously discovered, filled me with confidence and awe.

and the thing about infinity is that the stages go on and on